getting here…

21 11 2008

the first four months of infancy is an endurance test for me.  it is like a personal tour de france except in the end i get clean jammies instead of a yellow jersey.  the hormones make me depressed, the lack of sleep makes me crazy and the tiny beings causing it all give me nothing for my pain.  the real smiles, the belly laughs, the basic head control that stops them from cracking me in the face when i pick them up comes later.  babies have to grow on me.

then one day, just when i thought i was going to chuck the baby books out the window…a baby slept through the night and with legs aching from months of walking and bouncing and just getting through the days…i was here.

and there are three kids here…no longer 2 newborns and gemma. just as much as i know that gemma loves to help make things in the kitchen, typing on a computer, anything purple and shoes that make a clip clop noise when she walks, i am learning that kieran loves to snuggle soft toys when he is tired and that clover will squeal if she is not getting my attention.  clover puts her hands behind her head when she wants to go to sleep.  kieran likes to watch the cat.  they are not thumbsuckers like their sister, they love their pacifiers.  the swing works for kieran, but not clover.  they both like to go for walks.  clover is never as loud in public as she is at home.  kieran is in less of a hurry and laughs harder.  clover has amazing determination.

they really are my son and daughter now and i actually do not mind when they get up at night.  i cherish those moments while i nurse them in the dark.  i am no longer just trying to get through it…to get there.  our life has not changed, it has transformed.

and now i need to go fold my clean jammies.

transformed

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16 responses

21 11 2008
Kate

All three of your children sound fabulous.

Happy Clean Pajama Days!

21 11 2008
randi33

So sweet. Almost makes me want another. Almost. 🙂

21 11 2008
Angela

What a fabulous perspective! You have reached the other side and survived. Congrats Momma on being beyond the newborn “bliss.” How exciting to get to know the new kids in the family.

21 11 2008
Karri

Ahhh – out of the fog! Yay for all of you…

21 11 2008
Kym Aka Momma 2 Angels

You are a beautiful Mom and person. I have truly loved looking at your site and babies for two years now and I faithfully look everyday! So many of your posts crack me up but I think the reason is I TOTALLY identify with so much of what you say. My first pregnancy at 20 years old (almost 18 years ago now) was twins, unfortunately I lost them, but I never lost their memories or the pain that comes with their loss. I wish I could have enjoyed them as I can see you are with yours. God Bless you dear one, I am thrilled for you hitting this milestone of 4 months… It is wonderful when one of them will sleep through the night or not hurl up their birthweight after a bottle at night or something equally as cool. My baby is about 3 weeks younger than the twins and is the best medicine for me ever. I also read your blog to see what they are doing and to see what I can expect from her next. 🙂 Its good fun watching your 3 grow up and I thank you for allowing me to take part in that. Ps your blog is nearly always hysterical even when your ticked off for no sleep etc. I find myself nodding my head at everything you say. LOL. You really are a day brightener for me and i just want to say thanks…
Ps not sure if you are still doing herbs for the little ones or not but I found a great website that I am just gasping at how much cheaper things are than in the store… CHeck it out sometime for your natural needs like vitamins or baby gripe water or whatever. This is where I get the Gripewater and its only $675 a bottle there instead of $12 here in whole foods store. ANyway their site is http://www.iherb.com
I hope this finds you doing great and Good Blessings to your family. Congrats again on this milestone well deserved!
Happy Holidays
Kym

21 11 2008
Linda

I love what you said: life has not changed, it has transformed. It it the essence of having babies!

Also being there in the moment and cherishing those quiet moments while nursing – even if you’re tired and it’s night time… It’s sooo nice to be able to see it that way. I do too, and I think it might have something to do with me becoming a mother at 34.

21 11 2008
Paul Applegate

Mom,Wife,Photographer. Writer? Glad things have transformed 🙂

21 11 2008
Meadow Beidler

Fold?????(insert belly laugh here)Just wait till they crawl. Spoken in jest from a mother of twins + one. Truth is I never folded in the first place but I’m glad to see you are loving the moment 🙂 So happy for you. Lola, Fifi and Sundays mom

21 11 2008
Misti

never thought of it as getting there but that is exactly what it is. my 4th child had his days and night mixed up. i spent too many nights up with a newborn only to have to spend every morning up getting three other children fed and ready. i took it day by day, i think at 2 months we got there.

21 11 2008
Jaina

That was beautiful. And I LOVE the picture. But then again, what pictures of yours do I not love?

21 11 2008
appleydappley

Thanks for painting such an honest picture of what it’s like. It seems that the done thing is to make it out to be so full of joy and wonder, like pregnancy…it’s implied too often that it’s a time of glowyness and non-stop joy when my reality so far has been far from that at all. I already can’t wait for the baby to be born as I’m sick of being pregnant already, and I’m only 3 months in!!

Congrats on getting to this stage, you’ve done a sterling job, I’ll bet, and you’re an inspiration.

22 11 2008
Corinne S.

Thanks for this post. Made both my mom and me cry. I have an 11 day old girl, my first, and I am very much looking forward to getting to know her as a person.

While the fact that she sleeps, eats, and poos well are all good things they don’t tell me much about her personality!

22 11 2008
Jessica

The irony of the photo is not lost on me–I absolutely love it! One of my close friends just had twins–boy and girl as well–on Halloween. I’m helping her out a lot and those tiny baby moments are SO beautiful but I do remember from my own daughter–oh so hard! For me it is mostly in looking back do I realize JUST how hard it was; how cranky and impatient I felt most of the time (mostly with my husband, who bore the brunt of it–poor guy)… Yet another wonderful post and photos!

23 11 2008
Sheryl

This is a wonderful reminder to all of us — in whatever stages of challenging parenthood we are in — to remember, “this, too, shall pass.” Savor the easier times, and remember them when the challenges of any particular stage appear. (Written just before pre-empting a 6 year old’s tantrum — all too common in recent weeks. Sigh.)

24 11 2008
miz Booshay

I agree with you totally about the tiny infant stage.
It’s so hard.

I’m glad you are thru the freakishly hard times Rachel.

Time to enjoy those precious ones.

You did it! ANd you are still nursing.

Amazing. You are superwoman.

21 12 2008
Mimi

I LOVED this post. It rang so true for me when I read it. I remember just being in survival mode for three months, thinking is THIS what I imagined motherhood to be? Surely not. But then one day, I found myself really embracing this little being as a person, not just a blob. I know now to enjoy every moment – even the hard times during the newborn stage – because it really does go by way too fast. Your children are adorable and you are a wonderful mother!

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