the elephant in the yard

29 06 2009

i feel like i have broken up with los angeles and we are now just trying to be friends. there is an awkward familiarity to my days here, but i don’t want to get to comfortable because i know it will never work out between us. california, it is not you, it is me. i have changed.

this trip is harder than i thought it would be and in such different ways. i am physically spent. the twins are so tired that they get up from their sporadic naps yawning and gemma is running on borrowed energy fueled by treats and excitement. i am pretty sure that ardor is going to run out on the plane to virginia. there is not enough time in the california leg of our trip to see everything and everyone we want to see and that is breaking my heart because i know that i can’t make this trek again with the twins and gemma anytime soon. i know i will be back for my photography, but i will have to make those trips solo. we were so spoiled by gemma. she was born to travel and while alec and i were patting ourselves on the back for being such amazing parents to raise such an adaptable kid, the universe was having a chuckle and drawing up the blueprints for clover and kieran. the twins are not born globetrotters and we, as it turns out, had nothing to do with gemma’s innate gypsy tendencies.

elephant

the elephant in the yard is this…los angeles no longer feels like home, but melbourne is not completely home yet either. it is a big world to have no center. i miss my bed in australia, but i miss my best friends in america. my kids are aussies, but my mom is in virginia. where does that leave me? it leaves me only one place…this couch in this house in this neighborhood in this city in this moment. it does not mean that i can’t look forward to the wonderful things we will be doing next or be sad that the days of this trip have passed so quickly already, but really it bolsters my enjoy the moment viewpoint.

so who is meeting us half way next time? fiji anyone?

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